Denial is an interesting phenomenon. After getting my annual review, I was really pissed off that I got dinged for being hostile and abrasive. My reaction was the same as it has always been: Yes, I lose my temper every now and then; but it is no worse than other managers in the organization. Why do they always ding me?
I wanted to write it off to just having a bad reputation that is not deserved. But upon further reflection, it kind of dawned on me. What if, and I know it is a stretch, they have been right all along and you just too pig headed to see it in yourself.
Hmmmm…
But!….
Hmmmmm…
So I decided to maybe take a deeper look. I started going to therapy again. This is my fourth crack at therapy. The first time, right after college, was very successful. But the last two therapists I tried were duds. But this time I got lucky again.
How did I know I had a winner? I did a complete brain dump of what I thought was the problem: medical issues, work stress & stupid people. At the end of the first session which went way way way more than an hour, my therapist said: Wow, you seem to be deeply conflicted between your religious upbringing and your current religious convictions.
Ummm…
Ahhh…
But!….
OK, see you next week.
“Conflicted” doesn’t even begin to cover what I feel about my religious upbringing and my current beliefs. I bet it’s the same for you.
If there is a bright side, at least I don’t have to integrate snakes in either my psychology or theology.