2c the shiny me

Choking between layers of fat is the best version of me.

Network Marketing

When I was about 25, my boss invited me to a breakfast with “local business leaders.” I was kind of honored. I thought he might be sponsoring me for the Rotary or Elks club. Everyone was dressed in business attire. We arrived a few minutes late, but the guy who was speaking was very inspirational. […]

Eleanor Rigby

Last Sunday, I attend a new church for the second time. During the sermon, I found myself thinking, “Why do I do this?” Why indeed. I can think of dozens of “Why nots.” But I am running short on “whys.” The only thing I could come up with is that I am lonely. But is it […]

Attachment and Engagement

Here are thoughts for a rainy day from a practicing agnostic Christian Buddhist. I have been struggling of late with the third noble: suffering is the result of attachment. I think what I got hung up on was the antonym of attachment: detachment. Detachment denotes aloofness. Visions of a monk in a cave come to […]

Hilarious

When my son is in the hospital, my wife and I take shifts staying overnight with him. That way there is always one coherent parent present when Drs and nurses come by. In this last 6 day stint, Monday was one of my nights off. When I got home I was so keyed up, I […]

Taming the Smoke Monster

Zen and Ben, they rhyme, that is about the only thing those two words have in common. Not exactly true, but finding inner peace is not one of my strong suits. I have moments, fleeting moments of insight. I cannot imagine what true enlightenment would look like, but I can achieve several minutes of peacefulness […]

The Black Hole

Deep inside of me there is a black hole. It is a malevolent mass of pure evil. Were it to be freed, I might be capable of doing unthinkable things. Usually, it is under wraps. It is buried so deeply in my psyche, that under normal circumstances, I cannot even access it. But under prolonged […]

The Long Slog

Most days, VACTERL is just a pain in the ass. It’s just time consuming and it wastes your child’s time, your time and family time. There is a checklist of tasks that you must worry about every day, which normal families take for granted. But over time any set of tasks can become routine to […]

The Swinger

When my son was first born, I was on the cusp of going into the ministry. Because I was quasi clergy, I felt that I had to put a positive spin on everything. I said obnoxious things like, “thank God this happened to us. We have the resources and a strong relationship. We can deal […]

Vergence, Part 3, the Practice

I start this entry by describing the best class of my undergraduate years. It was my final semester and I was taking 19.5 units. By that time, I had completed all my religious studies and I had only upper division psychology classes, including my thesis left. Oh, and one pesky general ed. class. I needed […]