I am at the beginning of a new journey. It is unlike anything I have done for years and it is purely for my own wellbeing. I am having fat surgery or to be more precise, I am getting a gastric sleeve. In a nutshell, they will be removing roughly 80% of my stomach to facilitate rapid weightloss.
I approach this surgery with a mix of gratitude and shame. Gratitude because I have the means and the support to address this issue. Shame because my life has gotten so out of control.
My surgery is next week. I am currently on a liquid diet to get all the fat and glycogen out of my liver. My diet consists of protein shakes and bars, water and broth. The shakes are palatable, but barely. Most of the time I am just fasting and drinking water. I am only having shakes if I am truly starving. Most of the time, fasting is just easier.
At my top weight, I weighed in at 331 lbs. 40 lbs of that fat was gained quite rapidly, but I will not get into that now.
Being morbidly obese is hard on the body. I am constantly exhausted. The slightest physical activity leaves me breathless.
For the last 15-20, my weight has hovered around 275-295. I always managed to stay just below that 300 threshold. But even that battle was lost last year.
When I was less than 300, I was able to lead a fairly normal life. I did not participate in athletics, but I could manage to get around and interact with my environment. Now, I just feel like a slug, an ugly mass of gelatinous goo.
Since starting the liquid diet a week ago, I have lost 15 lbs. I can’t really tell at this point, but my blood pressure has already returned to normal. It has been on the high side, since this winter.
I am taking a bit of a risk, not only because surgery is dangerous when you are fat, but as I write this Covid-19 is running rampid in my country. This is a calculated risk. If I wait and catch Covid, I will most certainly die. If I lose the weight, at least I will have a fighting chance. Again, I cannot believe I am here. I will continue to reflect as I go through this journey. Hopefully, I will see the outcome I so desperately want.
