I bought my own Christmas present this year, TiVo. I am a TiVo addict. I have been using my cable company’s DVR for the last couple of years. It sucks. At the beginning of the month I did a little accounting and when I realized that it would only cost me $5 a month more than I was already paying. I jumped at the chance to return.
I love TiVo because it allows you to try some things and skip others.
My life is often like one long TiVo show. On Saturday, I could not believe than another year had flown by. I don’t use the play button in my life. It is constantly in fast forward.
My sister gave me a new audio book for Christmas, “Mennonite in a Little Black Dress.” I have laughed to the point of tears on several of my recent commutes. The author’s Mennonite rearing is not unlike my own Pentecostal roots. Growing up in a strict religious household warps you in some very interesting and funny ways.
But I contrast the author in one significant way. She moved away from being Mennonite and filled her life with other things. I just dropped my faith altogether and left a gaping hole.
Much of life revolves around the community obligations. Obligations to whatever tribe you choose to be affiliated with.
I am a man without a tribe. Sure I have family and work, but I am just a participant in theses circles. I don’t scuba, listen to jazz or run marathons. I just do crap.
As my life moves forward in fast forward, I am cognizant that I am running out of time to find my life’s passion. I do not look forward to any specific occasion or activity. I get up, drink coffee, go to work, drive home, eat dinner, watch TV and go to sleep with very little variation. I am exhausted all of the time. I take multiple antidepressants that do little more than mellow me out.
There has got to be something more. I just have no clue how to find “IT.”
