Over the weekend, my wife had to visit our former church. Before we had left the church, she had committed to be a confirmation sponsor. That commitment was fulfilled but she had to show up for the actual confirmation service.
To her credit, she kept a poker face the whole time. But it was clear when she came home that the emotions were still quite strong.
As she told me the story of her day, my stomach clenched up and I wanted to punch several people in the nose. I too thought I was “over it.” But clearly the emotions are still strong.
It got me to think more about forgiveness. I am still not sure I understand what it means to forgive someone. I think I often confuse forgiveness with politeness. My internal dialogue may be speaking murder, but I am all smiles on the outside. (I know, what a bunch of crap)
In reality I am not sure I know a fast path to forgiveness. The cessation of hostilities is a good first step. But if I still feel hate in my gut, have I really forgiven the person? No, right? But I think I have this wrong notion that forgiveness is a decision. In reality I think the negative emotions have to subside. But I do not know any quick way to do that. It is just over time you care less and less. That too I fear is short of what Jesus meant by forgiveness.
Anyone care to share a working definition of forgiveness. If not, I will never forgive you. 😉
Forgiveness can get complicated – happens to be exactly what we’ve been discussing on my blog lately. I think you’re right in suggesting that it’s a process – that while there’s an element of decision or choice, it’s not a simple thing like deciding whether to wear my green or blue dockers this morning…