Depression

It is scary how paralyzed you can be when depression has you in its grip. I have been mostly off the radar the last week or so because it was all I could do to just function at work and home. At last, the cloud has lifted. I wish I understood depression. I […]

Drama Mama Cried Wolf

I tend to speak with my parents on the phone every other week. Last week, my mother called and I did not call her back. I was just busy. This morning while taking Ethan to baseball, I hear the following voice mail message: Ben, it’s you mom. Call me. Your father is having […]

Mindless Rant

I am confused!!! I am the lead test engineer on a couple of projects at work. The one currently in focus is going to employ a team of 3 testers for a year. My budget is $343,650 for the whole enchilada (salaries, benefits and overhead). Before I am allowed to spend any […]

It is not that bad…it is worse

Spiritually I am in the pits. Actually it is the sub-pits. I have to look up to see the pits. For reasons that are pretty clear to me that I do not want to get into now, my theological tower collapsed. Belief is very much like the game of Jenga. You can toss out […]

Put on a happy face

Jenn told me something last night that almost made me cry. While she was giving Ethan his enema, he asked if he “tried” real hard could he stop having the enema and catheterizations. Sadly, I think it is finally dawning on him that his life is not exactly like his friends. On another […]

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Well today was the big day. Today we started cathing. Like many unpleasant things in life, the dread of the thing was worse than the thing itself. One thing became abundantly clear as we began, we are extremely lucky. Because Ethan is older, we were able to reason/bribe him. While he does not “like” the […]

Just a moment

On a whim, I bought tickets to the National Symphony Orchestra. We needed something to break the cloud of sadness that currently surrounds our house. I really wish when they told us that we needed to begin cathing, that we just would have started right then. The dread almost seems worse than the task itself. […]

Blur II

I titled this entry Blur too, but for an entirely different reason. This morning a Ugandan Children’s choir visited our church. The singing and dancing were almost breathtaking. Their choreography was so rapid that literally they were a blur at times. And while they were dancing they were singing too. Only children could move and […]

Cathy

So I am in an angry troll kind of mood. Ethan had his second urodynamics test today, but I could not go because we had an emergency at work (it is 7:15pm as I write this…I am still at work…waiting for customer confirmation). The Urodynamics test is by far the most invasive test […]

Marital Counseling?

Lord it is hard to be humble, when you are perfect in every way… Hmmmm…let’s say I “overheard” a couple arguing about housekeeping. The husband, we will call Binh recognized that with his wife returning to full time employment, it might not be a bad idea to have a housecleaner come twice a […]