The older I get the more I think that I may not be compatible with heaven. It is most assuredly not for a lack of information. I have heard about heaven and hell for all of my life. I have spend most of my life surrounded by people that knew beyond a shadow of a doubt where there eternal destiny lies. They know who they are, they know where they are going and they can tell you how to go there too. The same could be said of purveyors of Amway. But I don’t want to become a distributor, for much the same reasons.
My life is a mess. It always has been. I’ve make one bad choice after another. And the consequences are often harsh. But I do not see my life improving by eliminating the mistakes. I do not want to follow a formula of success. Because avoiding mistakes, just means that you can follow the instructions of others. Being enmeshed in problems and struggling to free yourself of their consequences, that is the beginning of knowledge. I learn from mistakes. I learn from the mistakes of others. I sometimes find unique solutions to problems and learn new things about myself simply by wrestling with my own stupidity. I find camaraderie with those who have traveled the same broken path as me.
So why would I want to go to a place where there will be no sorrow or sadness, with people who have spent their lives avoiding mistakes and explaining away tragedy? They are most assuredly nice people and they make one hell of a casserole, but they are not my people.
My people are messy, deeply flawed and oftentimes permanently damaged. And when they overcome their ineptitude, it is beautiful, fleeting and fragile. But for that moment, that moment of clarity, I stand with them and revel in their triumph.
Then back in the muck.
