Step 1

Anyone on the street looking at me would instantly recognize me as having food issues.

Network Marketing

When I was about 25, my boss invited me to a breakfast with “local business leaders.” I was kind of honored. I thought he might be sponsoring me for the Rotary or Elks club. Everyone was dressed in business attire. We arrived a few minutes late, but the guy who was speaking was very inspirational. […]

Attachment and Engagement

Here are thoughts for a rainy day from a practicing agnostic Christian Buddhist. I have been struggling of late with the third noble: suffering is the result of attachment. I think what I got hung up on was the antonym of attachment: detachment. Detachment denotes aloofness. Visions of a monk in a cave come to […]

Hilarious

When my son is in the hospital, my wife and I take shifts staying overnight with him. That way there is always one coherent parent present when Drs and nurses come by. In this last 6 day stint, Monday was one of my nights off. When I got home I was so keyed up, I […]

Lament of a Tired Soul

I have a favorite poem. It is the “Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T. S. Eliot. It is a poem of a tired soul. The first stanza in particular resonates with me today. Let us go then, you and I, When the evening is spread out against the sky Like a patient etherized […]

Taming the Smoke Monster

Zen and Ben, they rhyme, that is about the only thing those two words have in common. Not exactly true, but finding inner peace is not one of my strong suits. I have moments, fleeting moments of insight. I cannot imagine what true enlightenment would look like, but I can achieve several minutes of peacefulness […]

The Black Hole

Deep inside of me there is a black hole. It is a malevolent mass of pure evil. Were it to be freed, I might be capable of doing unthinkable things. Usually, it is under wraps. It is buried so deeply in my psyche, that under normal circumstances, I cannot even access it. But under prolonged […]

The Music of Sorrow

Music is very important to me. I am not a musician and I cannot create music of my own. But when I listen, I really listen. I sometimes think of music as an old testament alter with smoke wafting into the air. The prevailing winds determine the patterns and intensity of the listening experience. When […]

The Swinger

When my son was first born, I was on the cusp of going into the ministry. Because I was quasi clergy, I felt that I had to put a positive spin on everything. I said obnoxious things like, “thank God this happened to us. We have the resources and a strong relationship. We can deal […]

The Winter of My Discontent

VACTERL occasionally gives you a little break. Though you may have an onerous lists of tasks required to keep your child happy and healthy, you get into an offbeat rhythm that mimics normal life. You find a place of serenity and you think that you have beaten back the deadly predators. But really you are […]